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If you have to work with difficult people every day, you probably dread going to work each morning. What's more, you might get so stressed that you can't concentrate on the job.

Have you ever wondered why some people are difficult to work with?

"Individuals behave in a difficult manner because they have learned that doing so keeps others off balance and incapable of effective action. Worst of all, they appear immune to all the usual methods of communication and persuasion designed to convince or help them change their ways," says Robert M. Bramson, Ph.D., author of coping With Difficult People.

Bramson offers the following strategies for coping with such people.

How to Cope - Avoid these "don'ts" when dealing with difficult people:

• t Don't take dfficult people's behavior personally. Their troublesome behavior is habitual and affects most people with whom they come in contact.
• t Don't fight back or try to beat them at their own games. They have been practicing their skills for a lifetime, and you're an amateur.
• t Don't try to appease them. Difficult people have an insatiable appetite for more.
• t Don't try to change them. You can only change your responses to their behavior.

Here's how you can cope effectively with four common types of difficult people.

Openly Aggressive People - Stand up to them, but don't fight. Overly aggressive people expect others to either run away from them or react with rage. Your goal is simply to assertively express your own views, not try to win a battle of right and wrong.

First, wait for the person to run out of some steam. Then call the person by name and assert your own opinions with confidence.

Snipers - Difficult people are experts at taking potshots and making sneak attacks in subtle ways, such as humorous put-downs, sarcastic tones of voice, disapproving looks and innuendoes.

You may feel uncomfortable replying to them because you don't like confrontation. This, however, allows snipers to get away with their covert hostility.

Respond to a sniper with a question. "That sounds like you're making fun of me. Are you?" A sniper usually replies to such accusations with denial, "I'm only joking."

Nevertheless, questioning covert attacks will reduce the chance for similar attacks in the future.

Complainers - These are fearful people who have little faith in themselves and others because they believe in a hostile world. Their constant discouragement and complaining can bring everyone to despair.

"Don't try to argue these difficult people out of their negativity. Instead, respond with your own optimistic expectations," says Bramson.

Silent People - People who ignore you, give you sullen looks, and/or respond to every question with either "I don't know" or silence are difficult because they're timid. Silent people get away with not talking because most people are uncomfortable with silence and are too quick to fill in the gaps. Ask them questions that can't be answered with just a "yes" or "no," such as, "Why is it uncomfortable for you to answer my questions?"

Then wait at least one full minute before you say anything. This long silence may make them uncomfortable enough to say something. If they do start talking, listen carefully.

Don't Give Up - Dealing with difficult people takes practice, so don't get discouraged.

Although these strategies won't change the difficult people, they will break their ability to interfere with your effectiveness," says Bramson. "Most important, you'll feel more confident and you'll start to enjoy your workdays."

Harriet Meyerson spoke with Robert M. Bramson Ph.D., author of Coping With Difficult People, Dell, 2001, $12.95. *Published in VITALITY Magazine. Reprinted with permission. VITALITY Magazine is sold by subscription only - to individuals and in bulk to companies for their employees. Visit their web to find hundreds of articles on Health, Happiness and Productivity. http://rs6.net/tn.jsp?t=xmlyvmcab.0.0.pkgapgcab.0&p=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.vitality.com%2F&id=preview. Special corporate rates are available. Subscribe by calling 800-524-1176

Good managers know that creativity is essential for the health and prosperity of the companies they work for. And therefore, good managers also know that their single most important job is to nurture creativity in those who report to them.

There are three keys to nurturing creativity:

1. Always acknowledge the importance of those who report to you and their contributions. All people crave recognition and approval, and it's a manager's job to make sure that workers get this. Leaders are responsible for the morale of their departments.

2. Solicit the opinions of everyone in your department. Include everyone in your meeting, from senior members of your team to the mail girl. Take their suggestions and input seriously. You might be surprised who comes up with the best ideas.

3. Allow for completely open communication. Don't prohibit discussion of certain topics and don't shoot down ideas that seem silly or inappropriate. And don't ignore input that you might view as a negative attitude. If an employee tells you that there is something going on that you didn't know about, don't ignore the problem and don't write the employee off as being a whiner. Oftentimes it's these kinds of conversations that plumb the well of creativity and can get everyone working toward the right goals. Even a bad idea can get people thinking and coming up with good ideas that ricochet off the original idea. Remember, good managers foster creativity, they don't squash it to feed their own egos. And they don't ignore input-no matter where it comes from.

- Adapted from The Leadership Institutes Web site

Three members of an investment bank -- a secretary, an associate and a manager -- are walking through a park on their way to lunch when they discover an ancient old antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a genie comes out in a huge puff of grey-blue smoke.                            

The genie says, "I usually grant only three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one."

"Me first! Me first!" says the secretary. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world!"

Poof! She's gone.

In absolute astonishment the associate shouts, "Me next! Me next! I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseur, an endless supply of pina coladas and the love of my life."

Poof! He's gone.

"You're next," says the genie to the manager.

The Manager calmly says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

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